My life as a girlfriend

It was my first day at Disney and my first full day in Florida. I woke at Auntie Elly's to a piece of toast and espresso, the perfect duo. We packed up my things and left for Orlando. The entire 45 minute drive I was thinking to myself, "what the hell am I doing moving to Disney, I'm gonna be living with a bunch of quacks". Oh well, decision made. I was a bit nervous, but would never mention it at the time, as I entered the Disney housing complex. I got my keys to the apartment as they sent me to a bus stop where I would be heading to orientation. I had dozens of forms to fill out before I got there when I suddenly realized I had no pen. The air was thick and sticky, the bus stop filled with odd looking people... except one. A fair haired gentleman in an orange linen shirt. He looked normal AND he had a pen in hand. I intentionally sat beside him, I can't remember if I asked for the pen or if it was offered but regardless I started my paperwork. Moments later realizing I hadn't introduced myself. As I did I realized how nice this orange shirted guy was. I can't remember if I said it or not but he was the first normal person I'd spoke with since my arrival only an hour earlier. I decided that we would be friends. All day he FOLLOWED me around orientation. Alright, he just waited for me as it took me at least 5 minutes more to pass each station. We rode the bus back, he asked for my number and that was the end. A couple days later he texted me and I waited to text back. It was a week later that he invited me over to his place for a "small get together". He picked me up, we played kings(one of my favorite drinking games) and ended up kissing on the porch. He whispered sweet Italian nothings into my ear and I went home. We texted back and forth every once in a while and started hanging out a little more. Figuring him for a player I thought we were just make out buddies. We went sky diving together and he asked me out on a real date, the rest is history. We're still together and I'm heading to Connecticut to meet his folks! Wish me luck.

Yacht and Beach- Tales of the future parts

Audrey- reporter

Hannah M- Katie Couric/popular childrens author/ narrarator

Colleen-Westin hotel owner (newyork)

Chris D- Boss of Colleen (listen wheres the story. chub chub chub)

Amanda- investor/wall street

Pak ho - Triad leader (heyroy)

Jing- Triad leader(we've been following your bra)/jing gets shot/i am framed

Hans- pop sensation in Tokyo

Dieg0-Colins butler/chef/personal physiciain

Colin- director/island owner/ wealthy nobleman (knighted)/ Marie

Michael Mays- ranch owner/u boat/little sean/marrys Jill

Jodi-Gian Paulo/ famous/

Abby-house wife/Phillie/has little Philicity

Philicity- stuardess/marries Pilot Roger

Marybeth- in cabinet/lots of connections

Sean- dad dies and becomes CIA agent

Chris- Navy Admiral

Brittni B- google secretary

Ben- little english boutique

Brittany E- marries Chris Brown/ BBC/ legal battles

Collin- mainstay

Robert&Jonathon- Fashion icons

Dario&Suzy- famous actor/she is his agent

Louis - W hotel/ in kahoots with Colleen/ provides accomidations

Hannah- Hurricane Hannas

Marcos- Adverising tycoon/ movies

Nate, Robert,Steve, Zach- the same

Ryan- promoted to Manager(Jen Jacobs)

Cameron and Katelyn- runs yacht and boardwalk / married

Shane- Manages Typhoon

Brenan- Rocket science for government/lives in keys with chuck

Chuck- bait man

Cory- Florida governor/ reopens relations in Cuba

Tim R- pirate/Cory right hand/ Carribean yachstman

Minh - safari

Lizzy-physician

Phil- rebuild native american nation in Kenya

Rauf- Taliban

Chassidy-mom n pop restaurant/ church goer

Tegan-president of small college/ pta

Nick & Rebecca- married/rv/hemi truck

Kike- run mexico city, underground and above ground, hand in everything, night club owners

Franscisco- right hand man

Amber& Nadies- con artists in Vegas

Keri- showgirl/ brothels / illegitimate son Dominique with Vasquez Dominico

Bert- gets disease from girl Keri works with

Sam- loaner goat cheese farmer in the mountains

My life as Tom Petty's free fallin'

She's a good girl, loves her mama, loves Jesus and America too, she's a good girl, crazy about Elvis, loves horses and her boyfriend too.... And I'm freeee free fallin'. I would like to personally thank Tom Petty for making this song and furthermore John Mayer for remaking it. I feel like this song might be written about me. Today even more so. What did I do today you might ask. Well, I jumped out of a plane. yes. I went sky diving. I'll tell you what, it was the best damn feeling in the world. I would recommend anyone doing it! It was beyond fantastic. I must go again. I would begin to explain it, but it won't compare. So I'll attach a video, and tell you, my mouth was dry.

Some questions I will answer:
Who: I went with my friends Blake, Brian and Andrew
What: I know right...
When: this morning, they asked me yesterday to go, and i did
Where: Cape Canaveral Florida, right on the beach, amazing view
Why: Carpe Diem.
How: This i'm not sure of.
First words 150000 feet in the air: umm. holy shit
First words landed: Amazing

It may be adrenalin.. still... 15 hours later BUT, I feel like I can do anything.

My life as the Yacht and Beach Soap Star

"All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players; they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts"- William Shakespeare

I believe that most everyone has a flair for the dramatics. We know how to manipulate for that last piece of cheesecake. We know how to play it cool when he walks by. We even know the timing for inappropriate and professional behavior. Most of the time. People make fun of soap operas but if you take a small peek at what is going on around you, your probably living in one. I've become increasingly aware of this fact since my first day at the Yacht and Beach club.
This week on days of the yacht and beach club; Lifeguard Shane was rounding second base with a guest under bridge two... during his break. Lifeguard Jodi was guarding said water. As the Coordinator passed by she realized that Shane's job was now on the line. She immediately ran to him, giving him only seconds to get away before the coordinator saw. Three days prior, 5 members of the Yacht and Beach lifeguard team, including lifeguard Jodi and her Latin friend,2 members of the recreation team and 1 yacht and beach bellhop were riding a Disney Cast member bus to work. It was a rainy yet warm day in central Florida, as these cast members were riding along. Suddenly the bus hydroplaned, sending its occupants into a tizzy. After turning multiple times the bus driver gained control and rode his occupants into a nearby median, dodging a small SUV and the occupants imminent death. This incident made all the Disney Cast members late. So late that they didn't notice the large hickey imprinted on the neck of lifeguard Chase. On the day of lifeguard Shane's indiscretion, lifeguard Jodi confided in lifeguard Chase. She explained the dangerous, yet wildly hilarious moment. She then realized the mark on Lifeguard Chase's neck. His explanation; Minnie Mouse.
Tune in next week to see what happens when the pushy English lad and young American lifeguards have a dance. And how will Lifeguard Jodi deal with her Latin friends risky behavior. Is lifeguard Lane a lesbian? Check it out, next week.

(all names besides Jodi's.. and Minnie's are changed for cast member confidentiality)

My life as a lukewarm lifesaver

The very premise of a life guarding job is pessimistic. The sole purpose of a lifeguard is to wait for someone to get badly injured, almost die or swallow too much water. You sit on a stand and wait for something bad to happen. I consider myself a relatively happy person. Bad drivers don't really piss me off, I can laugh off almost any situation and I have a cheery disposition. But unfortunately I can't seem to make the best of staring at water, waiting for a fatality. I wake up almost every night somehow with my whistle around my neck, scanning my room like a pool. My poor roommate thinks I'm psychotic, my whistle is torn to bits and sleeping is no longer a pleasure. On the job, I pace waiting for trouble to enter my field of view, whistle in mouth, walkie talkie in hand. When there is no one in my pool area its even worse. I'm racing across the water looking for a little brown rug that is supposed to test a lifeguards accuracy in water scanning. Out of all the jobs I've had; office assistant, camp counsellor, bakery employee, waitress, nanny, cashier, merchandise, office manager and so on, life guarding is by far the most intense job. So I've come up with a few friendly tips for those of you in the guard profession. They will either ease your mind or save you from boredom.
At each stand when you arrive you:
a. scan in
b. small talk with the lifeguard you are bumping
c. go over the emergency action plan for your station
d. pray until you are bored or distracted
e. sing songs aloud
f. practice the steps in a waltz
g. butt into a guests conversation, they don't know you. you are there to save their lives if need be. they will listen.
f. fake an accent, English is usually the easiest, I've found when pretending you are from a different country, it is best you actually KNOW the language (your pool could actually have guests from this country and they WILL want to interact)
g. shout something important to a fellow lifeguard (this will draw attention to you and may spur on conversation with guests or make you look important, either way, win win)
h. pretend you are a princess.. or a pirate

if the time for your rotation has not yet come try fantasizing about something, maybe a fellow guard. Go through CPR and rescue breathing in your head. Maybe pick out the most likely guest to drown and bet money. Or pick the guest most willing to call 911 and the guest who will likely get in the way during an emergency procedure.

my life as a Disney employee

You wonder what Elton John was thinking when he wrote the circle of life. I mean, I get it. Life is an endless circle. What goes around comes around. There is nothing new under the sun. But all of that is kind of deep for the opening song in Lion King. I currently am engaged in a different circle of life. I have yet again packed up and moved across the country. I am again on my one, all alone. Its a fabulous feeling and a terrifying feeling all at once. On the one hand, I can do as I please, no one knows me, so everyone I meet knows only what they see. Its a fresh start and a new beginning. But, no one knows me and I know no one. I have no one to call when I run out of gas. On Friday night, I have to make friends and endure a couple minutes of awkward silence. I have no go to mates and nothing is familiar.
As an update, I've moved into Disney housing and am working as a lifeguard. I have three roommates and am not allowed to put anything on my walls. I've met a ton of people already, most who are from Europe. The weather is sticky and hot, but we get tons of perks here. Since my arrival I've had some pretty ridiculous interactions.
1. I got ruffied at House of Blues
2. I became a regular karaoke doll at B dubs
3. Was kissed by my boss
4. Learned to surf at Cocoa Beach
5. Went out with Peter Pan
6. Was jumped by an Englishman
7. Fell asleep in my hotels conference room and woke up with blankets
8. Saw Donald Trumps flat while visiting an old college friend in West Palm Beach
9. Took Mormonism 101
10. Was kicked out of an Irish pub
11. Got in a bus accident
12. Found a fantastic church
13. Ran out of gas and had to push Lola with my new friend from England
14. Rode tower of terror a dozen times
15. had a magical Disney date
16. had sweet italian nothings whispered into my ear
17. tried gator bits

That's it so far. I'm learning that sex is a game to these Disney people, lizards somehow make their way into your kitchen regularly, pools aren't always refreshing and Disney really is the happiest place on earth.

My life as an unlicensed fishergirl

So, I'm moving to Florida to work for Disney. ROAD TRIP! I have spent the summer in Cali and Arizona, without a job. Well, I was a dog sitter for a couple weeks, but the gentleman whose dog I was watching passed away. I am now out of money and on my way to Florida. My friend Robby and I left Arizona a couple of days ago. We spent the day driving from Phoenix, Arizona to Austin, Texas. It took us about 20 hours. I drove the WHOLE way. Sure I had to make about ten pee breaks, but we got to stop in the county of Crockett, where Davy Crockett first resided. We stopped by his museum, had the best DQ blizzards of our lives and trucked on. We decided to stay in Austin for a day visiting our friend Ashley. Austin is amazing by the way, I just love Texas. After our fabulous tour of Texas we drove another 20 hours straight to Atlanta, Georgia. I had decided in New Mexico, two days before, that I'd like to have a magnet from each state. We couldn't find any magnets in Texas. We searched an hour in Louisiana looking for one and another twenty looking for one in Alabama. Apparently magnets are out. At around ten pm we were arriving in Georgia. Robby had been taking pictures of each state welcome sign and I had been peeing in each state. We had arrived at the "We're glad Georgia is on your mind" sign and I had to pee. Luckily there was a rest stop there so we pulled over. Come to find out said rest stop had closed. I'd already exhausted Robby's pit stop limits, so he requested that I pee there. At the side of the road, on the Alabama, Georgia state line, in front of the Georgia welcomes you sign. Reluctantly, I peed. We continued on and stayed with Robby's cousins in Atlanta. The next morning we got up, visited some friends along the way and made it to Lynchburg by dinner.

I spent a week in Lynchburg before my trek down to my new home in Orlando. Many fun times were had there as usual. One time in particular was one Sunday afternoon. A buddy Jake and I decided we'd like to go fishing. We'd just left church, so I was in a dress. Like a true lady I fished in my dress and like a true lady I fell in the river. Fortunately for the other fishers and unfortunately for me, my dress what white and my underwear pink. After an hour or two of fishing and swimming Jake and I grabbed our tackle box and beers and headed two miles back to the car. As we started we were approached by the Virginia Conservation Police. They asked to see a license, I, unaware that fishing required a license, told them it was in my car. They proceeded to walk with us 2 miles back to Jake's truck. I, in my now see through dress was lagging a bit behind. Realizing that our beers were not permitted and we could be fined and jailed, I then snapped into bullshit mode. Chatting up a storm with these coppers. "This ice is fantastic, I love ice, you know people that eat ice generally have an iron deficiency, if you ever want to treat a girl with an iron deficiency, take her to sonic for some good ice." We finally reached the car and I was praying they didn't ask what was in the cooler. They issued a ticket and let us on our way. We were left, wet and see through, with two fishing tickets, a whole case of illegal beers and no bail bond. Good day really.