My life as someone else

I love to dress up. Hell, I love to be someone I'm not. I'm sure I've said it before but whenever I go somewhere on my own, especially flying, I tend to create an alias. Whether its a english traveller from Manchester, an immigrant from Santiago, Chile or a southern belle. I just enjoy pretending. When I wait tables I tend to throw in an accent for extra flair. And when I'm answering phones at work I pretend I'm a mother of two. When I'm flying, I dress more sophisticated and bring my laptop to look like I'm on a business trip. And when I'm out dancing I make up a name and give out my brothers number. The real story is that the real me is not who I want to be. I fall under the category of the free spirit. I'm pretty irresponsible, discombobulated and flaky. My memory is lacking, I have no time management skills and I'm extremely unrealistic. I keep screwing up in the same areas of life, and feel like I'm in a downward spiral. There are soo many times where I feel like I am outside of God's grace. Sure He forgives sins, but those are the screw ups of good people or even generally good people. I, do not fall into that category. My only hope is though I am not, I know I am. I didn't come up with that p.s Louie Giglio did. His books got some great views on God, who is more than generally good. He's got it all and a bag of chips. One thing Louie talks about is Moses. When he was talking to God through the fiery bush, Moses was all "no God, can't do it, I'm just a silly bitch. I do bad stuff, I suck at almost everything and I'm probably not worth your time". That was paraphrasing of course but you get the gist. And God didn't say, " o sure you are Moses, your kick-ass", God said, "I'll be with you and I'm the shit" (again, paraphrasing). Kinda encouraging! Sure I need to get a handle on my lack of time management and I should probably pony up and grab a hold of some maturity but regardless I've got this bitchin' God whose with me.