My life as a pranking warlord

After our box trick exravaganza, the girls and I realized that we'd been missing out on a whole new world of pranking. We continued terrorizing Liberty's campus with different pranks in the name of good fun. Among some of our regular stunts were pretending to be R.A's, asking students who were clearly minding their own business to please give up their student ID's. Taking random surveys under the aliases of Liberty television characters. Joining strangers in various sports, telling our teammates we were all twins from Manchester. Randomly belting out the love duet from Moulin Rouge. Creating a quartet of barber shop girls who serenade collegians and Liberty employees etc. Our favorite of pranks was the cafeteria food fight. It would always start small, and as a general rule, its starts with a sweet. Abby and I would choose cake as our dessert du jour, get into a little tiff and end up shoving cake in each other faces, rubbing it on our arms etc. Always creating a scene, sometimes we'd get folks to join in by either including them in the argument or shoving cake in their direction. All of these pranks were executed well, but the best prank of all (besides the box) was another Liberty week end. At the entrance of main campus is a little hut, which I assume was used as a gatekeepers hut from back in the day. Well, we set up camp there and waited as Liberty students were driving on campus. Each car was stopped (by us), and told that due to recent safety precautions, each individual would have to show proof of student hood by means of a Liberty student ID. We had a line up waiting to get into campus as we checked the IDs of all passengers and drivers.

My life as a fun filled faker

My second year of college, I decided to transfer to Liberty University in Lynchburg, Virginia. During the first weeks of the semester, I was getting a feel for the university and is diverse set of rules and regulations. For those of you who aren't familiar with Jerry Falwell's christian university, it is one rule away from becoming a military institute. I'd already been reprimanded for not making my bed, being late to church, inappropriately clothed (which turns out to be half of my wardrobe) and for a poor choice in words. One thing I was conscious of was our twelve o' clock curfew.
I had flown into Lynchburg Regional Airport alone, sent most of my belongings via UPS to my dorm and carried my wardrobe in my two suitcases. The airport lost my luggage and evidently UPS did the same. Needless to say my first week at Liberty consisted of borrowing from strangers, permanently locking myself out of my dorm and realizing that cafeterias are not 24 hr. A couple weeks later, UPS delivered a giant box of my stuff. After clearing its contents one Friday night I decided to throw the box away. Three girlfriends followed me out to the dumpster. On our way we saw a happy couple, being the mischievous group we are, we went up to them and dared them to stick their hands in the box. We kind of shook it a bit and scared them , kids stuff really. They were not too pleased and noticed that we were all new, so they told us to go to "late skate" which is liberty ordained ice skating after curfew. In a tissy, the four of us got on our scarves and gloves in the middle of august and started walking to the other side of campus. Realizing the long hot journey ahead, and box still in hand, we did what any normal Libertian would do. We pretended it was really heavy and waited for a car to ask if we needed a hand. This plan worked famously. I was holding the box, two gentlemen pulled over, asked if we needed a hand and we got a ride to the other side of campus. Well. I was sitting in the back with this not so heavy, heavy box. Upon arrival, the gentlemen went to grab this supposedly weighty box from me. I declined and started out of the car. One gentleman grabbed the box from me, and then realized that this whole act of chivalry was under false pretenses. Yes.. we had lied for a ride. Immediately my friend Abby falls to the ground laughing. I was stuck there trying to figure out how to explain myself. The only words that exited my mouth were "surprise!" The two fellas left us there only to find that we had been lied to, no late skate. We then had ten minutes to get back to the other side of campus in order to keep our slates clean. We walked into the gym, box still in hands and continued our charade. We stepped it up a notch. I was holding the box stumbling behind the other three girls, to make the situation seem worse, they were yelling at me, "hurry up we're late!" and "seriously jodi, your taking too long!" While I was pretend struggling to keep this box from falling as we walked. Several gym brats tried showing off their muscles by grabbing the box and were severely disappointed, but the gentlemen that was taken for the longest ride was our knight in shining armor. My final act of theatrics was to properly fall with the "heavy box". This was sure to get us a ride back. In order to properly understand this story, let me explain the setting. Liberty's gym has a long hall of windows in order to get into the gym. My last show began in said hallway. I am stumbling, fumbling with said weighty box, being yelled at by three careless friends. Halfway through the hallway, I see a young man enter. Knowing that this was my time to shine, I catch his eye and with a look of sheer desperation, I begin to slowly collapse (box still in hands). Young man races down the long windowed hallway to my rescue, only to find that the girl he was saving was a fraud. Luckily he still brought us back to our dorm just in time. The lesson learned from this bit is.. I'm really good at pretending.

My life as a foreign french kid

Something you should know about is my appreciation for pretending. I'm an avid pretendee. When I fly alone, I often adopt an accent or make up a story about a job I don't have, or a story I've wasn't in. When waiting tables, I generally add a Spanish twang or southern tint to my vernacular. When I was a receptionist I made up stories of romantic husbands, unruly children and home owners associations. And on the fly I will adopt a new set of mannerisms and an English accent. During high school I encountered another who shared my flair for the dramatics. The main character in my proposee story, Caleb. We started dating at the end of senior year. He went to Mesquite high school and I went to Gilbert. I can't quite remember how this idea came about but one day we decided that I should visit his school. So I did. Caleb picked me up and I went to his school disguised as a french foreign exchange student. We both parle francais un peu so it was easy to pull off. All was going well until we arrived in his history class. Because I was a foreign exchange student, we played it off that my English was bad, Caleb had to translate. While in this particular class Caleb told his fellow students that I'd tried to eat his cat (un chat)that morning among other things. I didn't speak English, so this fun little fact could not be rebuttaled. A friend of Caleb's, believing that I could not understand l'anglais, started to talk about me, enticing Caleb to take me to prom among other perverse suggestions. Blushing un peu I maintained composure. A following day Caleb came to my school as a Canadian exchange student. Our plan didn't work out as well because Caleb was on our rivals baseball team. His identity was uncovered and I was in trouble. The time for prom came, and I WAS attending prom with Caleb, but not as a no-english speaking french chick. I was chatting away (in English I might add) when we stumbled across a very stunned young man from my foreign french kid day. He was un peu embarrassed that I'd heard his whole spiel and a little ticked that he'd been tricked.

My life as a poopy pants pea brain

In your lifespan you encounter acquaintances, friends, best friends and SUPER FRIENDS! (note that SUPER FRIEND cannot be said in a monotone manner, you must beam SUPER FRIEND as though announcing a hero!) My story has two heroes!
The setting is a lovely camp in northern Arizona. Every year, East Valley Bible Church (the best church in the west) takes their high school kids up north for a getaway week end. Although it was my senior year of high school, this was my first time. Ashley (SUPER FRIEND numero uno) and I were gallivanting about past curfew causing a ruckus. We were hopping from room to room listening to stories and what not. We came to a room where scary stories were told, turned gray with fear, and decided it would be best to sleep in Ashley's single bunk together. Nothing less than usual for us two, I woke up in the morning and started getting ready for the day. I grabbed my tooth brush and paste and headed for the community bathroom. As I walked out of the room, one young lady said "nice pajama pants Jodi". They were new Roxy pj's that I got for Christmas. I thought to myself, "why yes, yes they are nice" and continued down the hall towards the restroom. I was stopped yet again by another young lady who smiled and said "niiiicccee pants!!". I mean, the pants were pink, I guess they deserved the praise, so I kept on trucking. I reached the bathroom, many ladies staring at my pants. Feeling particularly fashionable, I took a look at the side of my pants and saw a brown streak, just as I noticed our second protagonist enters, Kristy (SUPER FRIEND numero dos). "What happened to your but?" cried Kristy with a hint of disdain. I take a quick peek in the mirror and to my horror, find a giant brown stain splattered across my bum. Baffled by this mysterious substance I take a recap of the events leading to that moment. Had I brushed against something dirty? or spilled something? the stories from the previous night weren't THAT scary, I doubted that I'd excreted any waste in my sleep. I rushed back to the bedroom only to find a giant brown stain, identical in color, embedded into Ashley's sleeping bag. The only thing left to do was to smell the brown goo. Praying it wasn't an excrement, I knelt toward the icky blob. Sure enough there was a Hershey wrapper hidden under the blankets. My warm scared body had melted two Hershey bars in the duration of my sleep, causing a beautiful leakage on both my pants and Ashley's sleeping bag. To this day, the sleeping bag will forever be stained.
Special thanks to Kristy for staying true to her form, always telling me when I've left a mess and to Ashley who continues to reap havoc with me!

My life as an exploited extrovert

One of America's most treasured traditions, the senior picture, is one to be had. My family moved to Phoenix, Arizona at the end of my junior year of high school. New to this American scene, I was told to embark on the journey that is the senior picture. No big deal, I thought to myself, 5 minutes in some boring chair and we're done. WRONG!, 2 hours, four outfit changes and additional toodling later I had finished my senior pics. These pictures were taken in the summer and I'd hardly remembered the stint. I had started a fresh senior year at Gilbert High School. Only days into my semester did I notice posters all around school. These posters were advertising senior pictures. Quite happy with myself for getting that photo magic out of the way early, I continued on with my day. I took a double take at the poster I passed, there was someone familiar on this 27 by 40 sheet of paper. Why it was me, I looked around to see if anyone was looking at them. No one seemed to be paying much attention. So I walked on just to see that every single wall in every single hallway had a large poster of my face on it. "no one will notice" I thought to myself, "I'm new here and besides my hair is curled in these pictures, I never wear curls to school." While this statement might have been true for these small wall posters, it was definitely not true for the more than life sized, gigantic portrait of my face hanging off the balcony in our schools atrium, enticing all my fellow classmates to do as I did. Convincing myself that I was just a bug on the wall(no pun intended) I chose to ignore these poster, I walked to my class. I sat down quietly and adjusted my skirt, the young gentleman beside me whispered, "we made out last night". This was definitely not true, I was at home eating ice cream, watching Disney channel, I mean cool shows all night. A little flushed I said "no I don't think we did". He leaned in further and said "oh yeeeah, we slept together too". This was not true either, the only man I'd ever slept with was Waddlesworth, my stuffed penguin (and technically he's a bird). I chose the high road and ignored this ghastly lie, just as the young gentleman pulled out a poster from his bag and kissed it. In fact, the young man wasn't a fabricator, he did sleep with AND kiss my face.

My life as starry-eyed proposee

There once was a boy named Caleb, and a girl named Jodi. Of course, this story doesn't start out that way but its cute right?
For our SUPER FRIEND Kristy's birthday, we all went to Disneyland for the week end just before Christmas. We drove to Anaheim, California in a giant Mormon bus and spent all day Saturday at Disney. Once in the park, the thirteen of us trampled the park, hollering at each employee with a legible name tag, singing songs and running from ride to ride. I got lost a guesstimate of twelve times, rode thunder mountain about twenty times and splash mountain approximately six. If you know me in the slightest bit, you'll know that Disney truly IS my happiest place on earth. Making this story even more amazing, in walks our SUPER FRIEND Caleb. The day was progressing, while in line at Fronteirland, Caleb looks at me, pats my stomach and says "honey can you ride this one?" indicating a small being within my gut. Playing along I name the bastard James. Throughout the rest of the day we played pretend and made some friends. At the close of each Disney day is a spectacular firework show and at Christmas time, they have pretend snow. In the height of this romantic scene, fireworks a burst, fake snow a falling, Caleb gets down on one knee and proposes a fake marriage. We are among a giant crowd, and as I look around, this crowd is staring directly at me. The man in front of me taps his woman on the shoulder gesturing in my direction. She starts to cry and I share in their enchanting moment. I conclude with an abounding yes and we make off to "its a small world". Everyone watching our every move, we'd achieved the desired reaction from our Disney audience. We continue on, as we are about to leave this Disneyland dream day, Caleb stands in front of the giant Christmas tree on main street Disney. He gets down on one knee again and proposes yet another fake marriage. This time, our audience has tripled. Folks are videotaping, girls are gasping and awing at this fairy-tale scene, and I the gushing fake bride to be am awestruck by the romantic man below me. Again I answer yes and we, the happy couple, walk off famously. This fake romance later turned into a real life romance minus the baby.

My life as yesterdays news

Since I can remember I've fainted at the drop of a hat. I'm now used to it so I can feel when the spell is about to begin. It generally occurs when I don't eat or when someone hurts me. No big deal, it lasts a couple minutes.
So it was my first semester of college. It was Halloween and I was in a math class with a teacher who would blatantly tell me that I wasn't smart enough for her class. I felt a spell coming on so I politely asked to leave. The teacher, who despised my blond existence, said no. I waited and hoped it would pass, knowing that it wouldn't I quickly got up, I had just made it out the door when things started to get a bit fuzzy. I fainted outside the door of my math classroom. I woke up slowly to see a young man standing over me, he whispered "are you OK?", I wasn't coherent enough to answer but I heard him call for a security guard. I wanted to say no, its okay, this happens all the time but couldn't muster enough energy. The security guard knelt down, thinking I was hopped up on the latest and greatest yelled, "have you been taking drugs?" I passed out again and all of a sudden there was a crowd around me, I was attached to a breathing machine and an old doctor was pulling up my shirt trying to find my core temperature. There was a stretcher and four EMS employees asking questions and telling my fellow collegiates to clear the building. Once the building was cleared I was asked a series of extremely awkward questions like,when was the last time you had sex? when was your last period? are you currently on drugs? Worst of all they explained to me that they'd called my mom and she was on her way. The most caring and irrational of creatures! I regained energy, ate the snickers bar the old doctor gave me and walked outside the B building. My mom was hugging the security guard crying. The next day I walked into class and sat with some buddies, one guy said "did you hear, some girl died in the B building yesterday morning", "yea I heard she was in a coma" chimed another. I then realized that I had died the day before in the B building or maybe I was in a coma...

My life as a secret sister...

Everyone's got that relative that can get under your skin or embarrass you to the core. Mine is my older brother. He's always had a way of getting me into trouble, embarrassing me or manipulating a situation. When I was twelve he convinced me that there wasn't enough air left in the car for all of us to survive while our mom was picking up some groceries. I busted out of our d-rang(dodge durango) and set off the loudest alarm known to man. He's mastered embarrassment so much that he can embarrass me without a single word.

It was freshman year of high school at that same forest green uniform wearing catholic high school. A bunch of friends were hanging out in the school atrium having a stellar time when in walks two young gentlemen. Everyone stops and stares, not cause of their rugged good looks but of the bleached blond hair and goose poop green gelled tips on the top of the shorter fellows mop. One girl said "ewe girls look at that guy, looks like someone puked on his head" another girl says "wow sucks to be him". There was a roar of giggles, I had to look up and see this guy with an obvious lack in style. As I looked up, without hesitation I muttered "that's my brother". He walked up to me said "hey loser" and walked off. Everyone shut up. Shayna awkwardly said "I mean its not that ugly" and they all got up and left. I felt like I was starring in some sort of She's All That spoof. I felt kind of bad for him. I mean he didn't mean to fashion faux pas. Then again, he probably did!