My life as a lukewarm lifesaver

The very premise of a life guarding job is pessimistic. The sole purpose of a lifeguard is to wait for someone to get badly injured, almost die or swallow too much water. You sit on a stand and wait for something bad to happen. I consider myself a relatively happy person. Bad drivers don't really piss me off, I can laugh off almost any situation and I have a cheery disposition. But unfortunately I can't seem to make the best of staring at water, waiting for a fatality. I wake up almost every night somehow with my whistle around my neck, scanning my room like a pool. My poor roommate thinks I'm psychotic, my whistle is torn to bits and sleeping is no longer a pleasure. On the job, I pace waiting for trouble to enter my field of view, whistle in mouth, walkie talkie in hand. When there is no one in my pool area its even worse. I'm racing across the water looking for a little brown rug that is supposed to test a lifeguards accuracy in water scanning. Out of all the jobs I've had; office assistant, camp counsellor, bakery employee, waitress, nanny, cashier, merchandise, office manager and so on, life guarding is by far the most intense job. So I've come up with a few friendly tips for those of you in the guard profession. They will either ease your mind or save you from boredom.
At each stand when you arrive you:
a. scan in
b. small talk with the lifeguard you are bumping
c. go over the emergency action plan for your station
d. pray until you are bored or distracted
e. sing songs aloud
f. practice the steps in a waltz
g. butt into a guests conversation, they don't know you. you are there to save their lives if need be. they will listen.
f. fake an accent, English is usually the easiest, I've found when pretending you are from a different country, it is best you actually KNOW the language (your pool could actually have guests from this country and they WILL want to interact)
g. shout something important to a fellow lifeguard (this will draw attention to you and may spur on conversation with guests or make you look important, either way, win win)
h. pretend you are a princess.. or a pirate

if the time for your rotation has not yet come try fantasizing about something, maybe a fellow guard. Go through CPR and rescue breathing in your head. Maybe pick out the most likely guest to drown and bet money. Or pick the guest most willing to call 911 and the guest who will likely get in the way during an emergency procedure.